Chosen Solution
I made it most of the way through a battery replacement. Unfortunately, my battery board data connector is messed up.
Note that there is no locking flap. Compare this with the other end
And look! I can open it! ;)
And looking at the battery board from my old battery:
You can see that the flap is there. I don’t know how to proceed from here. I think that the connector was defective before it went in. The scratches are me scrabbling around looking for the flap. It’s simply not there. Help? Can I swap this board for the old one or will that trigger some draconian drm?
These battery boards can likely be swapped. But I would not recommend it and it will require soldering or spot welding to transfer it over since there are no easy connectors to sever or remake the connection to the battery. It looks like you purchased this battery from iFixit if I am interpereting the pictures correctly (iFixit logo visible in pic 2). If so, I would get in touch with customer support and they’ll get you squared away.
Was this a used battery? If new return it as you got a used (abused) battery to get a replacement.